Ed Exploits The Semiconductor Shortages

It would be a crime to let a good crisis go to waste and, with the PM’s help, I’ve screwed a multi-hundred million pound budget out of the Treasury to tart up a clapped out old fab in Scotland with which to appear to address the semiconductor shortages.

“De minimis non curat the PM” said the PM in his jovial, classicist’s, tech-ignorant way, dismissing the objections of the Chancellor. 

With a few hundred million  to spend, there’ll be some agreeable perquisites for those involved of which the most deserving is Yours Truly for thinking up the wheeze. I shall be taking a close interest in the dishing out of purchase orders and maintenance contracts.

We’ll make discretes – IGBTs, thyristors, diodes – who knows we may even turn a profit at it.

I get on the blower to Greaser.

“Got something for you,” I tell him.

“What’s that then Ed?”

“Fab supplies.”

“Never been in it.”

“Well get in,” I tell him, “buy a bunny suit clothing supplier and a laundry service, get a catering sub-contract, get fixed up with some cabs and you’ll get an exclusive taxi contract – use your initiative.”

“I’ll sort something Ed.”

 “And Greaser, 20% off the top for me.”

“5% of the net.”

“15% of the gross.”

“10% of the net, Ed.”


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